Day 33 (and counting)

Hi, all. Just a quick check in. I have been writing all. damn. day. And I'm worn out. My lit review has 14,840 words as of this moment . . . but I write a lot, then I must pare it down .... and there's a lot of paring that has to happen with this work. However, the work is organized in the sections it needs to be in and about half of the information is in the order it needs to be in. So I feel good about that. I just need to blend and blend and blend (and organize the 2nd half). All that is the plate for tomorrow.

Tonight, I'm going to a baseball game. I'll probably take the text with me, though, and so some line editing.

34 Days and Counting

Hi, all--

As many of you know, I had wanted to finish this summer and potentially graduate in August. Through an unfortunate series of events within my department, that's not going to happen (and I've known that for a while). So. A little change in plans. I met with my advisor a few days ago, we figured out what I need to do to finish. The work won't be the groundbreaking text I had desired -- that'll have to come later :-) -- but I can get it done. My date to have the completed dissertation to my chair is August 22nd. I'll then have to do some revisions or clarifications or whatever, but the bulk of the work will be done.

In order to meet this deadline, I'm having to ignore (for a while) some of the work I wanted to do in this dissertation. As I mentioned last week, I have an extensive research agenda based on this dissertation. My job now is to complete what I have. I'll turn it in. I'll make whatever changes I need to make. I'll defend early in the fall (my desire), and I'll graduate in December. The graduation is a formality -- and I really like the ceremony of earning a Ph.D. and the public recognition that comes with that event. I will, however, be a Ph.D. earlier than December.

In the next 34 days, I have to finish my lit review, write one chapter on my findings, and finish the intro/conclusion. The intro and conclusion will be short . . . and probably not as rich as I'd like them to be. But you know what? That's perfectly fine with me.

I'm going to post here everyday for the next 34 days just to keep myself accountable. You are welcome to comment or not . . . I just need a space to post my accomplishments. I know you'll be reading, and that will encourage me to work hard.

Another update and excerpt

Hey folks! I feel like I'm doing pretty well with the diss writing. I think I may be able to send off another chapter draft by next week. The writing is a bit experimental in the sense that it's not "traditional" ethnography writing. And that makes me a bit nervous about how Eli, my diss chair, will react. Some of the "scenes" I'm writing feel better than others, but overall I'm *really* liking this method.

I thought I'd share another excerpt (but just a portion of it b/c it's so long) to participate in the sharing. And if anybody has any thoughts on the writing in general or on the title or the diagram in particular, I'm all ears.

[Cross posted in full at Wind Farm]

Here is another "scene" from the chapter I am currently composing. It's longer than I'd like, but in addition to providing a window into the lives of each of my subjects - which is my way of "introducing" my subjects - I want to show them in the contexts I observed them in. Though I did get to know some of my subjects well, I would never say we were "buddies." So part of me feels it would be misleading to describe them in such a way - i.e. with a focus on their personalities or their likes/dislikes, etc. My method of "introducing" the subjects tries to imitate Kathleen Stewart's "new ethnography." Because of my focus on physicality and materiality, this feels *right*. But I've said this before in previous posts. I've also mentioned my nervousness about submitting this chapter. But whatever.

There are approximately 13 scenes right now. The settings range from bball practice, to study halls, to classroom interactions, to meals in the cafeteria. As well, I've decided to incorporate scenes that focus on non-subjects to provide some insights into the characters that circulate through this ecology and who have a huge impact on what takes place. Some of those non-subjects include an informant, an administrator, Coach and the coaches, other students and at least one instructor. I'll compose two or three more and then revise the introduction to this chapter. At the moment there is no "analysis" of each scene. I prefer it that way for the time being. We'll see what Eli thinks...

Here, now, complete with a basic layout of the classroom, is the scene (the title of which I am not happy with):

Scene II: “Students and Classes”
04 October 07 AA in English 099

8:00 a.m. and still the researcher sits alone. He grabs his bag and exits the classroom to search the surrounding rooms. He has the class schedule for each of the participants, and he has meticulously charted them out, but maybe he made a mistake. As he walks out he runs into CC who is walking up the steps. Like a haggard St. Christopher without his walking stick, he wearily leans on the railing. CC is haggard, bent over at the waist and, with great effort, pulling himself up the railing one hand over the other. To his knees and both calves there are bags of ice Saran wrapped to his legs – 4 ice bags altogether. The team had 6:00 a.m. conditioning again today. CC is heading to English class he says, so the researcher walks with him, thinking maybe he shares this 099 English class, a basic writing course that precedes 101, with AA (even though his chart of schedules indicates otherwise). As they slowly amble towards the room CC, who will earn a 3.69 GPA this semester, laments, “This is retarded English. I don’t even know why I’m in it.” They approach the door and CC opens it. As he walks through the researcher sees that this isn’t the right class; he hasn’t received permission from this instructor to observe. “Oops,” he says, “wrong one. I’ll be back later.”

He continues his search by peering through the glass into the classrooms that surround the courtyard. Then Dr. X emerges from the elevator with books and materials in tote; she pulls a roller file – basically a plastic crate with wheels and a handle. Five minutes after the 8:00 class time the researcher follows the instructor into the room. At 8:05 AA is the first to arrive. He takes his seat in the front of the room in the second row in front of the lectern (AA is the green X in Fig. X.XX). Appearing harried but not necessarily rushed, the instructor walks into a room with two people – AA and the researcher. Referring to the missing students she exclaims, “This is unusual, very unusual.”

(Fig. X.XX. The green X is AA. The brown X is the researcher. The yellow rectangles represent computers. The red Xs are males. The purple Xs are females. The navy blue X at the front of the room is a SmartBoard. The aqua blue in the back is a wall of windows.)

AA is carrying a half-empty, blue Gatorade Fierce and his backpack, olive green with black straps. He’s wearing black slip-on sandals with white socks pulled up to his mid-calves and a white t-shirt and white gym shorts with red/black triangle design towards the outer knee on each side. His backpack remains on the table to his right throughout the class.

Almost officially offical

I don't know when it's actually going to feel official, but I'm guessing when I finally get my diploma in the mail. But today I handed the final copies of my dissertation over to the graduate school for binding. So it's almost officially official, right?

There's a ton of nitpicky stuff that goes along with this whole process, post-defense. Revisions, formatting, having the formatting checked, fixing the formatting, printing copies on different kinds of paper, extra copies of the title page, extra copies of the abstract (one with your advisor's name and one without), a survey of earned doctorates, a microform agreement form, blah blah blah blah. Plus carrying a bazillion pounds of paper to the graduate school.

Anyway, it's done.

Now if only I could finish packing . . .

Diss Update (the lit review is hellish, I tell you)

It's no big secret: Writing a dissertation is hard work. I've been convinced for quite some time.

Many of the sources I read about dissertation writing stated to write the literature review first, but did I listen? Did I heed their advice? Absolutely not. I was convinced that I knew my sources, their basic arguments, and I where my work fit within those arguments. Instead of the lit review, I felt the need to write the case studies, the methodology, a chapter on pedagogy, and I've roughed out the intro and conclusion. (I'm nearing the end of this project, the lit review and findings/analysis chapters are all that remain). But now that I'm constructing the literature review, I can see places I need to cut back. I have way too much information, and I'm drowning in it. Constructing the literature review is showing me just how much information I'm working with, and as I mentioned on Twitter more that once today, it's kicking my ass. As a graduate student, I never constructed a literature review. (Shocking, I know!) I've constructed plenty of very extensive Annotated Bibliographies, but never the lit review. So now I struggle.

I spent the day constructing the mind-map below (constructed with Mindjet MindManager Pro 7, damn I love this program) that contains four of the six areas I need to review, and it's within these areas I'll cut back as I don't need another 100-page chapter). The graphic image below is too small to read, but each "arm" is a subject area of the dissertation (literacy, basic writing, critical pedagogy, athletics/athletes, etc.), the major theorists of that subject, what they believe or don't believe about the specific subject under question. The interesting part will be to see how these areas overlap.

With all this trimming, I now have a research agenda for the next several ... months (years, decades?). This is also a very good thing.

Cross posted at Parts-n-Pieces.

Chapter Excerpt - New Ethnography

[Cross-posted at Wind Farm]

Many of you know (and have commented on) the New Ethnography method of writing that I've played with before and before. It's modeled after Kathleen Stewart's Ordinary Affects. I've only sort of consulted/informed my adviser about the approach I've settled on for describing the subjects and some select scenes.

There are a number or reasons I'm drawn to this method of writing. Though I'm not particularly great at it, the method nonetheless allows me to share data-in-context. I like this. As well, these scenes provide additional points of reference that I will allude to/cite when I get to my Themes Chapter. This method also makes me feel like I'm making my study, and the write-up of my study, more transparent. I'm not sure how well it's going to work, and I've been strongly encouraged NOT to try to get all experimental with the dissertation ("Just get it done! Here is not the place to push boundaries!"). But I was struggling to find my way into this chapter and this is the method, the approach, that has created a flow for me. All other invention strategies were stalling.

Each short piece is a relatively complete scene in and of itself. More accurately, each scene is an excerpt, a moment plucked from the larger context of year in the field, that (tries to) captures some characteristics of the subjects, shows bodies in motion or bodies interacting with/engaging materials. There is no discussion of the scene or analysis of it. Part of the draw of this approach is that the reader can develop her own analysis. You see the scene. You draw develop your own impressions. I do the work of pointing out the themes and describing my coding at another point. Here is one of the excerpts. Hopefully the scene is self-explanatory.

“Unspoken words, Loud gestures”

[XX at 19 October 07 practice]:

A “shell” drill is a basketball simulation drill that teaches team defensive positioning. It’s an extremely useful teaching tool for habituating player placement for guarding opposing teams. At the beginning of the season it’s a drill that Coach uses to teach the basketball basics of team defense.

Official practice began just over a week ago and they’ve already had well over a dozen practices. The coaching staff has positioned themselves in a triangle formation on the court and around the players. AA is on the baseline. BB is on the sideline. And Coach is up top near half court. At any given moment each of them is within five-ten feet of at least four players. Their positioning allows them to intercede rapidly and within the context of the action; their positioning allows them to correct errors almost immediately as they are happening and provide instant feedback. The team is in the midst of a 4-on-4 defensive shell drill that they have repeated approximately 25 times at this point. The ball is being thrown from one side of the court to the other. The players are quickly reacting and jumping to their appropriate position. Everybody but XX, that is. Naturally slow afoot, the big man’s reaction times are consistently slower than his teammates. However, for this drill he’s not just slow; he’s out of place. The team has been bombarded with a lot of information and numerous drills, but XX is the only player who is not catching on to the principals Coach is trying to teach with this drill.

All three coaches immediately spot the error of XX’s movements. As the ball is being passed around up top, AA, who is on the baseline, takes his hands off his knees, rises from his umpire-like stance, straightens his posture and begins to move towards XX. He begins an attempt to stop the action; he’s about to instruct XX. Before AA can intercede, Coach sees AA. He throws his arms in the air and waves them – elbows locked, fingers spread, palms facing AA. At an unusually low decibel level Coach says, “Let it go. Let him go.” Coach turns his back slightly and hangs his head as he subtly shakes it back and forth. AA inches off the court. Play continues. XX remains lost in his movements. He is a walk-on player and time is precious. They finish the drill and Coach consults the practice schedule that is folded over his gym shorts. Next drill.

Hey to Fellow Dissertation Writers

I'm posting as jerry'sdaughter, in my father's memory. He was a Ph.D. sociologist from an immigrant, blue collar New York City family. A mid-life epiphany lead me to enroll in a doctoral program. Since 2001, while continuing to work full-time and supporting my two sons' emergence into young adulthood, I have been a doc student. Now I have made it to candidate level and am making my way through a Lord of the Rings-like quest to complete my proposal.

I totally love my topic, the shining light that is guiding me through the caves, past the monsters, etc. That topic is child welfare workers' experiences in working with infants and toddlers.

Why this topic?

1. Child abuse and neglect is a serious social problem affecting perhaps 3x as many children as official federal data indicates, and maybe more. For example a recent survey of adults found 46% reporting some form of childhood abuse or neglect. This was a U. of Georgia study, summarized here: www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/109087.php
2. Infants and toddlers are disproportionately found among the victims of child abuse/neglect and account for over 3/4 of abuse related deaths. See federal data at http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm06/index.htm Abuse and neglect in the early years can have immediate and long-term impacts, including emotional, physical and financial costs. These impacts are felt at the individual, family, community and societal levels. See /25/08
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/about_us/media_releases/pcaa_pew_economic_impact_study_final.pdf


My mixed-methods study will used quantitative methods to understand what child welfare workers serving babies know about infants and toddlers and qualitative methods to understand what it's like to for child welfare workers to have such young children in their caseloads. The overall goal is to gather information that will help those of us in the infant-family world to offer relevant professional development to child welfare workers that can improve services to infants and toddlers in the child welfare system.

I started my career as a mental health counselor. So many of my clients had childhood histories of abuse or neglect. This was true whether they came from high or low income backgrounds and whether I saw them in my private practice or at a community mental health clinic. At the time I was the young mother of a 3 and 1 year old. I thought about how each of the adults I saw in therapy had once been a dependent, vulnerable young infant, full of all the hope and promise with which every baby enters this world. I decided that my career would be about helping families get off to a good start so that parents and their babies could grow to their fullest potential. Yes - the liberal, idealist let's build a better world mentality. It still drives me!

Onward to my revision of chapter 2 of my dissertation. Drop by my blog if you have time and let me know what you're working on! http://onmywaytophd.blogspot.com/

To coffee or not to coffee?

It's annoying to always having some thought interrupting my writing. I find I can deal with ear worms, my flatmate's cooking fumes in the kitchen and the crying baby in the flat next door. My manic habit of watching people at the bus stop that is visible from my window has even turned productive, in the sense that a few seconds break from the laptop screen sometimes rewards me with the idea I need to link two paragraphs. What I can't deal with is my constant bodily wants. I need coffee, tea, water, the toilet, a biscuit... this silly everyday life things break the dissertation-mode train of thoughts. Soon I find I'm more in the Homer Simpson-mode, wiping out my flatmate's crumbs and reading joke of the day websites. Today's is funny for its simplicity -- (Q: How many blonde jokes are there? A: One. The rest are all true stories.) -- but that just helps to stray me further away from the diss-mode. The coffee I just made is getting cold and my teeth feel dirty, soon the urge to brush them will put me back on my feet. How do you guys manage the silliness of routine?

First Chapter submitted!!

[Cross posted at Wind Farm]

Yesterday at approximately 6:44 p.m. I submitted my first dissertation chapter! It's a draft, obviously, but it's a completed chapter draft and it is in the hands of Eli, my director. This first submission is my Methodology chapter. Below I'll paste a long excerpt from the beginning to give you a taste.

About three or four weeks ago I had started composing a chapter on my Photo Literacy Logs (PLL). That was before Eli and I had a chance to talk about some things. During the course of our phone conversation we discussed my RSA paper and I told him that I decided to start my writing by building from that. Eli did some hoeing and humming and suggested that I start by describing my data collection process - the methodology - while it was still fresh in my mind. I had just come from the field site and it would be easier to try to write about being in the field sooner rather than later in the writing process. Plus it's an easy way into the writing process. Normally, because I'm a stubborn ass, I don't concede so easily to some of Eli's suggestions. I don't know why. I'm just a stubborn a-hole. J/k.

The strategy we decided to go with was to start with the methodology chapter and then move into writing about the subjects (which I'll start today). We didn't really strategize beyond that point, but my feeling is that writing about the subjects - especially the three "case subjects" - will open up into a discussion of, coding of, analysis of the data. And, if perchance things don't progress this way, from here it won't be so hard to delve into my a chapter (or chapters) on the themes.

Then the structure for the dissertation that is evolving in my mind goes something like this:
Methodology
Subjects
Themes
Application/Theory

At present there is not lit review. At present there are only four chapters. However, the Themes chapter is expected to be pretty long. Double, I imagine, my Methodology chapter (which was 47 double spaced pages).

So that's where I'm at (and you all probably thought I was just making ObamaLlamas! Ha! Yeah right!). I'll leave you with a bit from the Methodology chapter. It's approximately three double spaced pages. [Disclaimer: there are a few things in this intro that I don't particularly like - e.g. the second paragraph that starts with "sterile, scientific presentation" - and such things will be revised; but they're there for a reason; right now that reason is place-holder.]

[The excerpt from this first chapter is posted over at Wind Farm.]

Joining in

Hi everyone. I came across this Blog while searching, in desparation, for information on NOT dying while completing a dissertation. I am glad that this exists, as I really need the support.

I started my D.Sc. in Aersopace Egineering in Sept 2003. I was very lucky to get all my coursework done and my qualifying exams completed by May 2006- I even took extra classes in math and physics, and had a COOP that I did full and part time from May 2005 through May 2007. But, life has caught up with me. I had a daughter in May 2007, and have spent the past year really focused on her, and and therefore have suffered complete brain drain. it feels like I have forgotten EVERYTHING I ever learned. So now it is time to either do it or quit it. And it seems just paralyzing.

Luckily my advisor has been understanding, so the last year I have beasically been off the hook. But that is at an end. And my COOP is allowing me to be on Leave without Pay to finish the dissertation, then I will basically (90% sure) have a job waiting when I am done (or able to verify substantially complete). So I am in the stage of "get off my butt". And with the economy the way it is, I can't afford to not work for more than about another 1.5 years (I think my husband's patience is starting to wear a little thin...).

I am trying to motivate myself and it's been very hard. There are a million other things to do with my daugther and around the house, but I don't want to fail this. I guess I am just looking for a place where I am not alone, some resources on planning out and structuring my research, and just some "been there, done that" encouragement.

Thanks all,
Kathleen