When I took my comprehensive exams, I wrote almost 70 pages (double-spaced) in three days over my subject areas: critical pedagogy, literacy, and service-learning. (In my program, we took three five-hour exams, MWF, no notes, no prior knowledge of questions, no knowledge of the types of questions, and our reading lists contained about 100 items per subject.) At the end of each exam, I wasn't tired. I was excited, actually. I felt that I was able to produce very nice essays in a short amount of time. I felt smart. However, as the afternoon turned to evening, I felt so very tired. Drained, actually. Mentally exhausted.
I'm feeling that way again with the dissertation. In between tutorials and fire drills (no kidding), I'm writing. I've stopped reading, and I'm only writing. I don't think the writing is all that great, though. It's choppy and fragmented. But this is a draft, and I know I'll still have revisions to do when I'm finished with this draft. When. Yes, when I'm finished. I can see the light, as they say. I know that I'm coming in on being done with this dissertation, but this last push, this last hard push before school starts? It's wearing me down.
You know how you can have a word on the "tip of your tongue"? My dissertation rests there, on the tip of my tongue. I know what I want to write-- I know it in my body, I know it-- it's right on the tip of my . . . of my what? consciousness, abilities, finger tips, something? I see the end of this process because I see the entire scope of this work. I feel smart. Tired, but smart.
Cross-posted at Parts-n-Pieces.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
15 more days of dissertation hell to go
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Diss Data TagCrowd
[Cross-posted at Wind Farm]
I've been playing around with TagCrowd quite a bit as I review and analyze my data. It's a fantastic tool that's helping me "hover above the data" (a [sage] recommendation of Eli's). Notice the happily coincidental part of the hovering advice and the tag cloud: "hover", "cloud." The idea is to step back from the data, depersonalize it. And so I employ the cloud (via TagCrowd). I've been playing with it all along, but now it feels like a legitimized research tool. Beautiful. I love it!
The tag cloud below is the visualization of all of the data that I currently have in Word Document format. Still I am missing about 200 or so pages of interview transcripts. As well, all of the photos and other cultural documents don't really transfer into TagCrowd.
There are a few potential, um, sticking points about employing TagCrowd as an analytic tool. First, I'm not entire certain of how it determines word frequency. For example, is "guy" and "guys" considered the same word? Either way it affects the frequency count. I assume that this is not the case. But I don't know for sure. Second, I'm struggling to determine which words to exclude from the visualization (there is a feature that allows you to make a list of words to exclude - nice!). So, for example, do I exclude "really" from the list? If so, why? Potentially, "really" or "pretty" signify something about the discourse of the guys as well as my fieldnoting. I'm not doing a discourse analysis, but still such decisions matter.
There are some major positives to using TagCrowd. First, it is a really cool way of presenting data in an alternative format. It's definitely non-traditional. Second, it offers a level of transparency to the analysis. It shows the word frequency and provides insight into the raw data. E.g. if I'm arguing that "Coach" played a major role in the literacy practices of the student-athletes you can look and see that "Coach" was one of the most frequently used terms (it doesn't come through in the cloud below b/c of some edits I made to the word list, but Coach was actually the most frequently appearing term throughout all of the data).
There are other positives and negatives. The positives, however, far outweigh the negatives. As a result, there will be a version of the below tag cloud appearing in my dissertation.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Day 19: Writing Writing Writing
Hi, all-- I said I would check in everyday and stay accountable with my progress. I haven't done that . . . I'm sorry . . . I know how much you all looked forward to my daily whine. :-) Seriously, though, I've been writing. And writing. And writing some more. I'm exhausted. My brain is refusing to think of new words, so I'm using the same old ones over and over. I might have been a tad ambitious about my deadline. I still have 19 days to go, and I need to finish the lit review, write the findings chapter, and edit the intro/conclusion. (Remember, this is a draft going to the committee, not the final project.) It's possible I could get it done. I'm still striving and pushing for the 8/22 deadline.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
2 Dissertating Challenges
[Cross-posted on Learn To Live With It]
Since I'm still here :-), I wanted to share 2 more thoughts. The first is an overall challenge while dissertating. The second thought is specific to my empirical chapters but one can conceivably extend it to the rest of the dissertating experience.
1. The hardest thing, time and again, heck I'd say day in and day out is the ABCD rule. That is, Apply Butt to Chair and Dissertate. Even when there is momentum. Even when you finish a chapter. Even after a particularly good writing day. It takes every ounce of strength and willpower to sit down in front of your laptop/computer/what have you each time and click on that icon on the desktop that represents the document you're currently working on. I think the clicking of the document is very tough. Those seconds between moving your finger over the trackpad to the click to the opening of an in-progress document - worse still if you're starting a new document - that's just when I end up feeling the urge to flight. Once it's open I think I breathe more easy and feel like I can tackle this. A productive morning doesn't automatically translate into the desire to sit down and continue the same rhythm in the afternoon. I wonder why that is. I suspect because it's intimidating to stare at a blank screen not knowing how much you'll write today or if you'll write anything that's usable. The latter is the most difficult - when you know you're putting in the time and the output, although helpful in working through an argument, isn't going to end up in the category of "finished dissertation pages" can be rather frustrating. Personally, I need pin drop silence to write and process. So it means being sort of a recluse. Hmm not just sort of. Not that I have trouble being myself and I cherish my "me-time" I do crave social interactions. That I currently seem to be starving myself on that front might be why I'm feeling so worn out. But I also know that I have to be strong through this or it isn't getting done - not just by the deadline I have in mind but not at all. And I'll be damned if I have this stretch out a few months longer because I just don't have the mental or emotional energy to continue feeling as stagnant as dissertating can feel. [Nopes I'm not bitter but I am restless.]
2. I'm currently writing a chapter that is based on original field research. I have a lot more interviews than I can conceivably include. I've made peace with that. Of the ones I thought I'd include until last week, well let's just say it would be overkill if I included all of them. I've noticed that, on average, the analysis of each interview is ranging about 20 pages. If I include all 11, well you do the math. So I'm working on cutting down the number. And it's almost like asking a parent of more than one kid who their favorite child is. I have no magical formula how to decide which ones to include and which to exclude. It's not just about page length. I suspect they get redundant real quickly in terms of the overall argument. The minute details are fun but not critical to moving the argument along. To be honest, the practical side of me concurs with a serious editing of that list of 11 - because having fewer to analyze means the deadline becomes attainable. In this worn out state, that consideration is part of the calculation. Of course then I end up feeling guilty. So I review my analysis again and it also makes intellectual sense. The challenge here is not about overcoming the guilt - or at least it's not what I'm focusing on. I have figured out what to do, more or less, for this current chapter. It might mean ignoring 2 interviews that I was really excited about but could well be a stand-alone chapter on a sub-topic within the dissertation in terms of the empirical sites I'm looking at. That the interviews of these individuals are of retired military officers and I'd planned for 'the military' to be a separate chapter in my dissertation but dropped the idea since I didn't have enough interviews to do that because of access issues [long story that I really don't feel like revisiting right now]. However, I could change these into a spin-off piece in the form of a journal article so it's not like I won't work on them ever. Nonetheless, what's difficult is that you do so much work and so little makes it to the dissertation project that it feels akin to a major letdown. Again I understand that it's not like I could have found a magic shortcut along the way and what feels like meandering is just part of the process and how it works. Still, that it never figures in can be heart-breaking and gut-wrenching.
Enough ranting/blogging, now I must open the file for chapter 6. Wish me luck!
Greetings from Bionic-Woman
Good Morning DBCers!
Bionic-Woman here. I want to thank Billie for inviting me to the party (read: dissertating hellaciousness) as a crew member.
I'm currently trying really really really hard to wrap up my Ph.D. in International Relations from ABD-land. I'm about to start year 7 when the 2008-2009 academic year begins. Prior to this, I was firmly entrenched in the humanities - communications and cultural studies - to be precise. My present social sciences avatar remains unwilling to let go of those roots. My research remains firmly focuses on identity and the ways in which social and political orders are negotiated discursively. In my dissertation, I'm exploring the same but looking at a particular international conflict (since I continue to cling to some measure of anonymity in the blogosphere I'm continuing to be somewhat nondescript here). It's an ethnomethodological study though which means I look at everyday life including interviews with actors and pop culture.
I keep hearing about the magical 6 weeks in which dissertators get their act together. I'm in week 5 of that cycle. What do I have to show for it? A prelude/preface and chapters 1-5. Chapters 6-8 remain.
In a magical world, this draft would be perfect. Far from it. But it'll be a working draft that can be edited into a version that I can actually defend. So I'll be here checking in - commiserating, celebrating, and ranting - through the remainder of my "hopefully magical 6 weeks journey" and the glorious moment until there is a successful dissertation defense.
Enough about me. How are you folks doing?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Day 30: (food metaphors)
Hi, all. Just my daily checking in post. Today I added almost 4,000 words to my lit review. Most of that was supporting material, and I still have a lot of work to do to trim this monster down to something manageable. But that's part of my process. I do a brain dump all over my page and then go back and shift through. I think it was Anne Lamott who used the metaphor of "vomiting" all over the page. That visual works.
I like the metaphor of kneading bread dough. One adds all the ingredients and mixes. Then one kneads the dough. It then needs to rest (and rise). One kneads it again. Then it rests (and rises) again. And that process continues for some time until the dough is ready to be baked. In my kneading process, I take away info... then I might add a little something else, then I'll take it back out. It's all the process.
Maybe I should change my metaphor from baking and kneading bread to something else . . . making spaghetti sauce or something.
Ok, tomorrow starts day 29, and I'm already feeling a little panic. I can do this. The diss doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to be finished.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Only Good Diss is a Done Diss
- The only good dissertation is a done dissertation.
- Pass without Embarrassment
- The dissertation is a rough draft for a book (if you want a book out of it).
- The dissertation is a rough, rough, rough, rough draft of a book.
- There are two kinds of dissertations: good ones and finished ones.
- About the dissertation: don't get it right, get it written.
- Go with a dissertation written not a dissertation planned.
- When three chapters are completed, you know you can finish the diss.
- What do they call a person who writes the year's worst dissertation that passes? Doctor.
Productivity
Sounds like a lot of Boot Campers are being productive. Good for us!
Earlier today I submitted a draft of my second chapter. Rolling right along. For now...
I'm setting another target date for a draft of my third chapter: 31 August. It's an ambitious goal b/c of some traveling I'm doing in the coming 6 weeks (NYC, S. FL, and hopefully Denver for the DNC convention). Oh, and that pesky lil fall semester thing. But it's my goal.
Good luck to me and good luck to you, my fellow Campers!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Day 32 (and counting)
Hi, again, all. Today I went back to work after having three weeks of vacation. ("Vacation," heh, a time that I was chained to my desk writing. It was so fun! Wish you'd been there!!!) Anyway, I very quickly remembered why it's taken me so long to get this dissertation finished. I didn't accomplish a whole lot today because, you know, well, work got in the way. I did manage to add about 1,000 words to my lit review after moving some text around, conflating some sections, and constructing a table comparing the top 25 football programs in 2007 with Princeton Review's top 25 academic schools in 2007. The point was to show how there is no overlap between the schools on these lists. But that seems rather obvious now, so I'll probably remove the table tomorrow.
I haven't done much tonight but piddle around on YouTube looking for Springsteen videos (what a time suck). :-) I'm now going to take a hard copy of my chapter and make some hand-written notes for tomorrow.
How's it going for all of you?
Hello
Hello Everyone. I'm glad that such a space exists for us as we dissertate. I am writing on national and state poets laureate, their works, poetics, and community outreach/cultural value.
I've written a first draft of my prospectus and am revising because I still don't have a hard-hitting thesis that covers all chapters. I know everything I want to say; I just don't know how to position what I have to say in an argument.
I'm working through how to write everything about my diss before I've written it :).
The strategy I'm going to use tonight when I get home is to ask myself global question after question. Then I'll see which I should turn into an answer & then maybe I'll end up with a thesis.
Best to everyone's writing,
Toni
